Recently I got to a point in my life where I was really regretting the fact that I left my ex... we were trying to become friends (well I was) and she recently blocked me all over social media. It was at that point that I really wanted her back, now that she was fully gone from my life (again) and there was no way of her hearing me, I just wanted her to take me back.

Hope To Peace

As with every break up, you are going to relapse at some point. It’s sad but unavoidable. This is what happened to me, when i finally hit the point of having enough of how i was being treated by my ex, and how i was treating her… i ended the both of us. Pretty standard and sad right? All i was thinking in the moment was that, “this will be over before i know it, and i can get a bottle of vodka to help numb it all” I mean yeah it helped for a bit, but only for a bit.

After just a couple of months, I lost control. I came back from my shift at work and saw something in the corner of my room… it was kind of messy so of course i went over there  to see what it was and clean up. To my surprise, it was her jumper…. and underneath that was a gift of notes she wrote out for me. This just broke me to pieces. I was finally starting to get a LITTLE BIT better and then i find this.

So that’s why i said this:

Saw your jumper, after months had past, Started tearing up I threw it in the trash, I started thinkin bout the times that we were happy when our lives were both worth something, When it wasn’t hard to smile, When we didn’t have our trials

Hope To Peace - Take Me Back

That whole part of the verse was what caused the relapse. I saw her jumper and then a years worth of memories started to flood in and drowned my heart.

Our relationship wasn’t really healthy for that long. You would usually expect a couple of months of casual feelings before anything went dark and stale… but that’s how it went and SADLY that’s quite common too. You can be attracted to someones looks, ethical and moral views, even their behaviors! THEN OUT OF NO WHERE these things that you loved sooooo much about this other person, they start irritating you. Why? That’s a great question. I still don’t know to this day but it brings me to my next point.

From the things that you start to notice and get annoyed about, you usually put up “rules” or “walls” you know?… things to avoid so you don’t get on each others nerves. It’s funny though, because once you do it once… you’re just going to do it again, and then again, and then again, again and again until you get into a rhythm where every little thing you notice annoying you, you start to naturally put a wall up…. WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT! They could say one thing slightly off with their English and you’ll get angry at the instant. All this happened because we never talked about the root of our problems. We’d talk about some of our problems and deal with it like adults. Most days though… not really.

I guess the thing i hate the most about all of this is that, I’ve had to go through this relationship with no experience or maturity… and it’s only after I’ve left her, that I’m seeing how i could’ve done everything differently and more maturely, and all those situations that came at us out of nowhere, could’ve been avoided. I wasn’t able to know that then, but i do now and I’m angry and happy about it all at the same time. Sometimes you have to lose someone great, in order to know how to treat your next partner better. That’s what I’ve come to know now, and i just wish someone told me this years ago before i met her.

But I wasn’t me, Baby yeah I wasn’t me, Didn’t know who I was, I was finding myself And I took it out on ya, Oh it wasn’t me, Baby yeah it wasn’t me, I know I can’t take you back, But at least let me say that, I’m sorry

Hope To Peace - Take Me Back

So that’s what this verse really gets into. Knowing that i could do way better now that i have the maturity and knowledge, but also knowing that i can’t take you back and there’s no way of me telling them that i can do better. a grey and very thin tight rope that i have to walk along for the rest of my life, but as a result… i am the best that i can be! So that’s the cost and reward.

There’s not much more to this song, but it’s getting a great response from all of you! and i love it so much. If you would like to listen to it on Spotify, i will link it below for you.

– J


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